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Farasoliano's Story

Farasoliano's Story

Friday, November 26, 2010

post for hajar. :)

thank u hajar for being so supportive.. :)

thank u so much. i love u. :)

Thursday, November 25, 2010

heartsick.

it is heartsick. just talk to my aunty about my dad. only now i know she dont like my dad's wife. 
i don't know why but seem like sume org don't like her. coz she try to act that she got lot of money. but actually not. all my dad's money. he have to borrow my sister's money to buy a house. in the end jual jugak coz tak cukup duet. but if i think back, the house yg he beli, non of us will stay there. it's his wife n his stepdaughter will stay there. my sister will stay with me.

he will nicely stay in the big house with his wife and that girl! it's not jealous or anything but it's just so sad. even my mom's bday pon he cannot remember. he's having fun in Philippines. and where is my sister? working her ass out to find money. she don't deserved all that. she's only 19. she supposed to be in college and have fun with her friends. i knw she want that. but what can we do? we cannot afford that. so she sacrificed all that to earn money. coz for my dad, if u working u're not my responsibility anymore. 

sometimes i envy my friends. they still have parents who take care of them. help them even da kawen. won't leave them when have new spouse. yes my dad come and see and that's it. he promise to help but non. if my mom still alive, she wont let this happen to us. but to bad. ALLAH swt lagi syg kat dye. 
we just have to redha. but no matter what we still have each other.. 

25th NOV 1955 - 20 SEPT 2006

it's been 4 long years.
but no matter how i still miss her. she's the best mom ever. no one can replace her.
no matter what u still in our heart. 

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOM.
i LOVE u so much and i miss u. 

i hope u happy there. i will always make u proud here. 
i miss u ma..


i miss u so much ma.

i hope u will be proud of us 3. 

ma, 
i'm still here bcoz of u. u teach us a lot. but we just to lazy to listen to u.
for us, u just nagging. but now, we miss that so much. i want to hear u nag to me. i want to hear u shout at me. i want u to hug me like u used to do. we take u for granted. but now we regret it. we so sorry. but i miss u so much and love u. 

 




Saturday, November 20, 2010

animal!

just now, in da cab goin to pecu's house, the taxi driver ask me bout ryo. so i tell him la a it about ryo.
then he told me one shocking story. it just happen. but never came up on the news.
sorg budak 9 tahun kene culik. her parents make report and all but the police do nothing for them. they have to beg to the police to find their daughter. but the police bole ckp " we're on it. " but no action was taken. so parents tu have to look for the daughter themselves.

after few months hardwork and money came out, they found her. but ade la org tolong dorg. mayb family and friends. coz one of the family member pernah naik taxi yg i naik ni. so dye cerita la story ni. it's very sad. so, after few months cari this girl, they found it. kat dalam semak. i'm not sure semak mane but kawasan pedalaman juga. they found her in pieces!! her body like cut to half!! and all her organs missing! her eyes, heart, etc. her mother gone crazy after that. because cannot accept the fact. pity her. i can imagine how if that thing happen to me. Ya Allah, mintak jauh. 
why all these people doin this? stealing organs? for what? for money? OMG. money tak bole bawak masok kubur. ur dosa for killing that girl akn dibawa masok kubur! i'm really pissed n angry n sad at the same time. i know how the mother feel. see ur daughter in pieces like that. like for me, when ryo cut his lips and berdarah ckit pon i was like wanna cry. how if in pieces? i think i will kill myself. i cannot take it. the child that u carry for 9 months and u take care with love be like that. how do u feel? 
i'm just can't imagine. the girl must be in pain. but maybe Allah s.w.t love her and protect her. hope she will rest in peace. so, to those who reading this, please. don't let this happen to u.

Thursday, November 18, 2010

comments

i really hate one thing about all this " mulut tempayan ". coz they dont know how to shut up. to hell all those people who like to say things about me. like to comments things about me. yes i am a mother but doesn't mean i have to be someone that i'm not. i still use my nail polish. i still love to color my hair. i still love to dress up look pretty. i still love use my t-shirt and jeans. so what? i'm not gonna change coz u said i have to change. mayb i'm not so perfect but yet i still take care of my family well. i never be hipokrit to other people. i keep my child and brought him up. me with my bare hands. and my husband work his ass out to put money on the table for us. 

so u think i care bout u think? nope. i don't give a damn. 

Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Monday, November 15, 2010

oh simple plan. :)

i just love this band. 
and i met them once when they came to K.L!!
hahah!! here my fav song from them. :)






here just some of the song. got more songs from them that i like. :D

Sunday, November 14, 2010

xmas. :)

thinking bout xmas make me feel good. :)
this year i'm goin to decorate my own xmas tree. :)
tak kisah la org nak ckp ape. coz my husband still celebrate xmas. it's like unfair if nak harap dye sorg celebrate hari raya je. so same2 la sambut holiday masing2. but some people mst pelik why i'm celebrating xmas. it's bczo my husband convert. he used to be christian before. so no harm right to sambut xmas? for 27 years he sambut xmas then after marry me cannot sambut? u think it's fair for him? 

so for me, let's celebrate all. coz ryo also born in mix family. so i want him to feel everything. he will feel hari raya and xmas. just like my husband said, it's our life. we can do whatever we want. lgpon i celebrate xmas bukan nk g church bagai. just decorate house n have xmas tree. xmas makan on xmas eve. change gifts. that's all. and hari raya i also will decorate my house, have rendang and all. so i'm just being fair. this year xmas just my family. :) ryo, me and my husband. 
next year my husband wanna go to spore for xmas. so have to collect money now. ;) 
just cannot wait for xmas next year!!

i'm stressed! =,=

i am stressed. 

help!

what else?

my mood not so good today. i just don't know why. pity ryo i scold him just now.
today like everything went wrong. internet really freaking slow!
and my glasses give me problem!! hate it!! coz my glasses broke and i just have to tap it!!!
and no nice movie to watch! and im FREAKING HUNGRY!! and the house is damn messy! im so tired to clean now. i got not enuff sleep and my head still spinning. haih.
what else?
what else after this gonna spoil my mood??!! damn!! 

Friday, November 12, 2010

how u think i should feel?

i once had the chance to have it. 
but i blew it off coz of some reasons. and now, other people took the chance and make use of it.
well, i think they very lucky and smart. 
coz it's very rare and only once in a while u will get it. 
i'm so happy when i had it. i really enjoy it. but now, i only can look from far.

i feel sad, disappointed, regret, mad. all in one. but what can i do?
i have other responsibilities. maybe it's not for me. 
but i really want it. but what can i do?
just accept the fact, i wont never get the chance to grab it again. 

 

dangerously in love.

I love you... I love you... I love you

Baby I love you
You are my life
My happiest moments weren't complete
If you weren't by my side
You're my relation
In connection to the sun
With you next to me
There's no darkness I can't overcome
You are my raindrop
I am the seed
With you and God, who's my sunlight
I bloom and grow so beautifully
Baby, I'm so proud
So proud to be your girl
You make the confusion
Go all away
From this cold and mixed up world

I am in love with you
You set me free
I can't do this thing
Called life without you here with me
Cause I'm Dangerously In Love with you
I'll never leave
Just keep lovin' me
The way I love you loving me

And I know you love me
Love me for who I am
Cause years before I became who I am
Baby you were my man
I know it ain't easy
Easy loving me
I appreciate the love and dedication
From you to me
Later on in my destiny
I see myself having your child
I see myself being your wife
And I see my whole future in your eyes
Thought of all my love for you
sometimes make me wanna cry
Realize all my blessings
I'm grateful
To have you by my side

Every time I see your face
My heart smiles
Every time it feels so good
It hurts sometimes
Created in this world
To love and to hold
To feel
To breathe
To love you

Dangerously in love
Can't do this thing
I love you , I love you, I love you
I'll never leave
Just keep on loving me
I'm in love with you
I can not do
I cannot do anything without you in my life
Holding me, kissing me, loving me
Dangerously
I love you
Dangerously in love
 
this song is so meaningful to me. :)
i dedicate this song to my husband. :)

beyonce. :)

she's one whole lot of woman! hahah.. damn hot! 
tgh boring2 so g youtube tgk video music lagu2 dye.
it's amazing. mayb some people dont like her but i do! she's damn hot!! 

here my fav song. :D

Thursday, November 11, 2010

stop being a stalker!

yes! read MY SENTENCE, 
STOP BEING A STALKER!
hate it and F**K YOU!
i'm freaking pissed! u whole lot of shit u knw that? u add on fb then u  freaking keeping quite! and when come with ur frens look for that person u act like u so shy and dont know what to do! bullshit! 
stop pretending can or not u B*TC*!! 
i just freaking hate it! if u acting like so shy and don't know what to say, don't bother to add on FB or come to see that person! really full of shit! and now im pissed! if i ever see u in front of me u better watch out! who the hell u think u are? 
yes u mayb came in that person's life first but too bad. it's your own fault! mayb i should not be angry and maybe it's nothing but i hate it. u get it? 

I FUC**NG HATE It!!

love song. :)

knowing my husband, he is not romantic. :)
but sometime he can be romantic. :) 
he dedicate this song to me. :) very nice song. :)


and this song is for my husband. :)

my online shop.

It's Zee Rose. :)

yeah. my own online shop. semenjak jadi full housewife ni tu la yg isi mase lapang. :) 
so nothing much to say about this. u can check it yourself. :)
well, mayb i can tell u how i got the name. :)
i get the idea to put ZEE ROSE because :
1) my name is FARAH AZRINA, so i just take AZ and just add EE. :)
2) ROSE because my mom's name ROSEMILAH. :)

IT'S ZEE ROSE ( WEBSITE ) 

ZEE ROSE ( FACEBOOK ) 


Thursday, November 4, 2010

woman's role in the family.

mmg banyak role perempuan in one family. as a wife, mother, daughter, sister. :)

as a wife :
yeah. as a wife kena jage husband. layan husband, gosok baju, masak, kemas uma, jage mase sakit, be there if dye tgh tension, n etc. kira husband ni keje dye just go out and find money to put food on the table. imagine if wife xde? sape nak gosok baju, masak, kemas uma, jage mase sakit? mmg some guys akn jawab nevermind. i will find way to do all that. gosok baju = anta dobi ( but kne bayar kan? bukan murah dobi skrg. heheh ) masak = kedai makan ( but smpai bile? nk beli makan duet juga. ) kemas uma = stay sendiri sape nak tgk uma?, jage mase sakit = g doc suda. tu la antara jawapan some guys. :)
but until when nak hidup single? takkan nak harap mak or nak tuka2 gf every month kan? :) sooner or later u need a woman in ur life. sbb every man success, there will be a woman.  seego mane pon one day guys will admit they need woman in their life. and woman need a man in their life also. tak de sape bole stay single smpai bile2. u will feel so lonely.yela. bile ade wife senang sikit keje kan? balik uma mandi. after mandi makanan da ready atas meja.tinggal makan aje. tak yah susah2 nak pk pasal makan. wife ade nak layan. nak urut ke, nak kopi ke, nak something ke. :) btol x?

as a mother :
as mother pulak lain responsibility dye. have to be a wife and mother. carry a child for 9 months. then lahirkan anak untuk sambung zuriat. if mak tak de sape nak bangun tgh malam mintak susu? sape nak jage time sakit? sape nk tolong ajar ABC? sape nak pujuk? mmg ade org lain bole but tak same mcm mak sendiri. bile jatuh and luka mst lari cari mak kan? to who else nak cari? a mother will always be there for her children. no matter what. but if org tak de perasaan no comment la kan? but as a mother mmg byk benda have to do. if mak de sape nak buat keje uma kan? bila sakit tgh malam mak juga will wake up and take care of us. sanggup tak tido malam coz takot if anything happen. if lapa sanggup wake up even penat sangat2 sbb takot anak masok angin. a mother will always pray for her children happiness. make sure her child get everything. tak bole susah sikit. if panas, kipas bg anak selesa. bile anak nak something but dont have money, still cari duet coz nak beli utk anak. can u imagine life without a mother? who gonna do all that? :)

so, dont take for granted ur woman. they sacrifice so much. :)

Tuesday, November 2, 2010

bila dah start berkira.

i just dont understand stgh org bole nk berkira ngn anak sendiri. 
dulu pny la janji ckp nak tolong and all. but bile da lepas tanggungjawab and kita yang kena amek tanggungjawab dye, trus nak berkira. asyik2 ckp tak cukup duet and all. padahal kita tgh struggling nak byr hutang utk kesenangan dye. dye mane pk. bile mintak tolong mcm2 alasan la. dye sng la sbb da lepas tgn. tak payah nak pk ape da. 
yg peningnye kite nak bayar hutang. bile kite hutang dye tiap2 ari mintak duet. if dye hutang kite tu bile mintak mcm2 alasan. mmg la dye byr but tolak hutang. WTF? astk2 tolak hutang. if org nak pakai cash macam mane? dye lain la, isteri keje. duet invest ade lagi. yg maranye, beli handphone mahal2 ade je duet. bayar rm1k pon sanggup. bile mintak bayar hutang lame kat org, time tu la ckp tak cukup duet. it really pissed me off! and just like wife dye same je. nak beli kete besar2 buat ape? only 3 of u. unless u have big family. i just dont understand sometimes. it make me feel like money is soo important for them. yes mmg in life we need money coz now, everything is expensive. but not until like that. until dye ckp dont tell wife dye yg our rent coz their rent same like us but their house is smaller. why is it like that? just buat ape yg mampu la. buy things yg mampu je. 

if we not rich, act like normal. dont act like u so rich but u have nothing. and tak baik nak belagak. tgk neighbor ade kete besar dorg pon nak big cars. for what u use 6 seated car when u only have 3 people in ur family? kereta sampai due. handphone nak mahal2 sje. if handphone mahal2 but tak reti gune buat ape? and the thing that really pissed me off is, he want to berkira rm13!! freaking rm13!! ask me to pay back rm13. im the one who cook, clean, look after her and he pay nothing! nothing! yes mmg sometimes dye tolong bwk g byr bills and all but that's it. he dont want to take her coz wife dont like her. and her dont like wife. but u can figure something out right? sanggup ask her to find a small room outside. n how if he dont want to pay for her? he did that to me twice. and it wont be a surprise he will do that to her. 

he keep asking her to work with airlines coz he can get free tickets and he no need to pay anything for her. come on! she's not married yet! tu tanggungjawab dye. like for me, my husband have to give money and all. but for her, she dont have husband. and her pay is only how much? and he expect her to pay for evrything. im just sick of this. bcoz of money sume nak berkira. really. she's ur daughter. yes u call her and ask her how is she and all but i just dont knw what to say. u want to impress who yg u got money? money cannot bring inside ur grave. me n my husband struggling to pay hutang for his "kesenangan". but he just ignore it. im sick and tired asking for money to her. coz i knw she got not much money. but its her fault also. i ask her to find better job n pay but she dont even want to move from there. i try to help them to improve in life coz i cant. she still can work her ass out to have savings. maybe when she's my age she can own a house and car. that's what im trying to tell her.
like for me i cant do anything. im a housewife and i will stay that way. i cant go anywhere. but she can. she keep telling me nak study and papers. but people want experience. i can earn rm2k i 2weeks i work as admin. i have no papers nothing. but i still earn that much. it depends on u. whther u want it or not. if i want to earn rm3-4k a month i can. coz i knw i can. im good in what im doing even i dont like that. but i cant. my condition wont let me. but she can. how i want to say this to her? i dont her to keep depending on him. he will disappoint her. she still young. and she can make it. if i knw he will do that to me, i would save my money. but i think he will always got my back. but rupe2nye tak. dye akn be there only for a while. after that lepas sume. coz he have his own family now. yela, anak sume da besar panjang. ptt sngkan mak bapak. but what could we do? we're not earning rm5-6k a month. but for me money is not evrythng. if ryo grow and have his own family, i wont disturb him. as long as he come and see me and rmmber me n my husband. and he wont forget what we did for him. i dont want any balasan. just love us until the rest of his life. 

for me is like that. like for my mom, she never ask for any balasan from us. all she want is study and be someone in life. and she want to go to Mekah. but tak kesampaian. i thought when i work and enough money i want to send her to Mekah but she go first to a better place. really miss her. betol2 menyesal tak belajar anything from her. but she brought us up well. im lucky to have her as my mother. she really nice, loving, kind person. she left us when we needed her. she always told us to be strong in life. coz she really strong woman. banyak benda dye kena lalui. she fight for her life almost 2 months. she have to stay in the hospital. her hair falling. badan jd kurus. but she never complain. she always happy. until her last day also she still can smile. i still remember my last day with her. she told me "if u love something go for it. work for it. mmg akan susah sikit bila nak smpai situ but u will get there. akn dtg mcm2 halangan but u will get there. i pray for u siti." sometimes i wish she still alive. coz i really need her. when i feel down and i burst crying i always imagine she's here to hold my head and say something to me. but she's not. i know she'll be watching me. 
i hope i can be like her towards ryo. coz i dont knw anything in life. coz from small smpai besar, she always be there. she will drag us evrywhere she goes. ya. i miss her so much.

Monday, November 1, 2010

anak punya pasal. :)

if anak punya pasal, anything goes. :)
yeah. penat macam mane pon bgn gak. mate berat macam mane pon akan buka if dengar anak nangis nak susu. tu la life if da jadi MAK. ape2 pon sanggup buat. rase macam dye lah segalanye. kalao bole protect him, i will. if kat malaysia ni bole simpan pistol, i would keep one to protect my son. :) but too bad kat malaysia tak bole. :( bukan nak bunuh org ke ape but just in case la kan? skrg ni macam2 bole jd. 

still ingt lg mase mengandung dulu. every day harap cepat la baby dlm perut ni keluar. after bersalin YA ALLAH. hanya tuhan saje tahu mcm mane perasaan dye. syg teramat sgt selubung jiwa time tu. rase happy, sayang, terharu sume ade. ade juga air mata nak keluar time bersalin tu. air mate gembira. time tu tak de ingt dalam kepale nak have fun or what. and i never regret i had him. memang tak akan cukup tido bile ade baby but tak pe la. anak punya pasal. anything goes. bile dye saket mst risau tahap gaban. if bole call ambulans sure call(but tak de la over cm tu kan? hehehe ) but sure akn risau pny.mak mane tak risau bile anak dye saket.  :) 
but sometimes tak tao macam mane org yang bole buang baby tu. kesian baby tu. dorg tak nak ke tgk anak tu membesar dpn mate. tgk dye jalan, cakap, say their first word. if for me, i wont miss it for a world. i will be there for his first day at school, his sports day, n etc. i will always be there. when i see him smile it make me smile. when i see him laugh i feel i own this world.:)

itulah yang paling best bila ade anak.:) 
to celebrate his first bday and see him say the first word. but too bad ryo's first word is chantek.=,=
nevermind at least he can talk. the most happy moment for me ngn ryo is when he hug me and kiss me. really rase mcm dunia ni mmg tak de spe punya.really nice the feelings. mmg feeling tu tak bole nak describe. itu la. when u have ur own child u will knw the feelings. :)